A thought, just in time...
A scenario was presented to me today.
And ... I am uncomfortable.
A little background. The person I was talking to was offered an opportunity to do some role playing, which should wind up with them bonking. There is a uniform, some possible bodice ripping… And culturally charged situations.
I have made sure this is a freely offered situation, from the ripee to the ripper. There may be a few things to learn before this session occurs, but that is not the big thing. My mind is still working on how to approach coaching this young one so that they have a good time, and do not leave any lasting scars, inside or out.
When approaching something that could be considered taboo in regular society as a play space in the BdSm community, you have to be doubly aware of what is going on. Consent is foremost, but giving consent beforehand can suddenly become a Red situation if not approached with communications and a butt tonne of research.
Playing with racial relations, complete ownership, and even cultural land mines like WWII Nazi role-play, the fantasy does not always meet reality. Sometimes, reality will make a ‘simple’ scene become heart-rending and horrible. Approaching your partner with such a way to play can change a relationship, forever.
I have danced around this, because it is not easy to openly say that people want scenarios that, in real life, would be horrifying to experience, but turns them on so hard they really want to do it.
Let me break down a few things here. Let us look at this from three different perspectives, role-play, techniques, and aftercare.
Role-play
Fantasy is a tricky thing. There are many ways for you to go into a fantasy. It can be hard to know what part of the situation is the most important and cannot deviate, and what can be glossed over to be relegated into the soft focus of your memory. To be able to role-play a fantasy, you need to be honest with yourself and your partner what parts of the fantasy are in what part of the spectrum. Are you are going to need to talk about what it is like to call, or be called, derogatory terms that are essential for the scene, or is that too hard for one or the other of you to actually do? Clothing that brings up a historical situation that, normally for you or your partner, would be right out, but in this situation is needed to get into head space for the fantasy? The need for Props that are triggers for bad things to happen, but lead to good feelings when used in this fantasy? This all can be covered in the role-play part of figuring out a delicate scene.
The fantasy is play acting out something that gets you off. The dark fantasies that come with being raped, degraded, or having something in your past pulled out for a scene can be really hot, but only if you understand that it is just a fantasy. Talk about what you want, and might expect. If you are the Top in such a scene, you need to take the responsibility to keep your bottom from getting too deep into that head space, or freaking out because it gets too ‘real’. Have your fun forcing your prisoner to put the condom on your cock before her head gets forced to go down on you, but make sure that a Safe Word or Safe Action has been set before that rooms’ door is opened. If you think the shirt is supposed to be cut off, talk about it, and keep a bathrobe or sheet ready for when the scene is over. Use your strength to overpower them as their role forces them to cower before you and soak it in, knowing that you both are going to get off on what is going on.
Techniques
If the role-play part of it is daunting, and race-play can be especially difficult if you have been brought up to not throw around names and epithets, concentrate on the techniques you may need to use in the scene. Going to the basics can make any scene better, and does not rely on a script.
Practice BEFORE you play. If you are to be interrogating someone, practice tying ‘things’ to a chair, as well as cheesy Noir P.I. lines. Is your flogging up to snuff for disciplining your slave? A pillow is a good subject to use, and will not tell anyone if it bruises. Is part of the thing you have been asked to do involve knife play? Learn how fabric cuts, tears and stretches before using the knife on a piece of clothing, and keep a first-aide kit close just incase there is a slip. Think of anything that you may want to do in the scene, and become familiar with it, to the point of being comfortable, if you can.
Aftercare
The third thing, Aftercare, seems out of place, here, but this is not a fuck and leave situation. If you do not make enough time to cool down afterwards, to make sure you and your partner are good with what just happened, then you should not do the scene at all. Work back from the end of the night to the beginning. Know what type of blanket your bottom uses to wrap themselves in to help bring themselves back to reality. Make sure you have water or your favorite sports drink to rehydrate after, even if you think you aren’t going to be physical, you will have a heightened heart rate, which will make you sweat. Have time to TALK.
Aftercare needs to happen for all participants. Most people think only the bottom or sub needs to have the attention, but the Dom or Top needs just as much. Remember, what happens is with all people involved- planning, activities, and the emotional strain, as well. In a scene that has racial, taboo, or culturally sensitive overtones, that strain can be even more without you realizing it. Aftercare is like dessert, and will only make the main course better, if you start on it first.
More on Aftercare here.
With these three ways to look at a sensitive or charged situation, I hope you can figure out how you might go at something that you are uncomfortable with and begin.
Have fun exploring your darker fantasies.
Miss R