FAQ - Fact Sheet: Boundaries, Frontiers, and Event Horizons
In BdSm, there are things people will do. And then there are things they will not do. Add onto that things they have not done, but are willing to explore, and those things that only will happen when the right combination of circumstances happens and the person will gleefully participate.
Most people think the Dominant decides and controls everything in a scene, or even a relationship. That is a false impression from the media we have had in our culture for decades. There is communication, and decisions from everyone involved. To help the flow of the actions, the negotiations beforehand, and during for some of those brats out there, have to touch on what the participants will, and will not do. This includes what they will not do, until specific things are met, and can seem like consensual non-consent play.
Most people know about Boundaries. These are the up to this point, things are sexyfuntime. Past that point is safe word NO. It can be seemingly little things like wearing a certain shade of lipstick up to big things like anal play. These definitions of no-go should be known before going into a session, and, like most things, should be able to be revisited during play if a previously unknown Boundary comes out. Many Doms like to push boundaries, but will loose the trust of a sub if they push enough to shatter that Boundary, cutting off any further real play with them, and entering abuse.
Frontiers are those things that people wish to explore. They have not had the opportunity to experience something, and want to do so. Everyone has things they have not had the chance to do, and giving them an opportunity to do so can be fulfilling for all parties concerned. Do not put down the admission that a sub, or a Dom, would like to do something new to them. It is not up to you to judge what turns someone else on, within the reasonable limits of Ethical Kink. If someone wants to be smeared with baked beans while being flogged, it may be a new experience for both of you that could end in giggles, or a really good, out of your mind experience. Helping others to explore who they are in BdSm is a wonderful thing, and you get to explore what you like at the same time.
Event Horizons are, just like in the scientific definition, an occurrence that only happens when a Boundary has been met, circumstances have altered, and events that make the Boundary go down happen. Many forms of this happen in everyday life, such as trying to make a certain recipe, not being able to do so and learning a vital technique that makes it possible to continue with that recipe. In Kink, a sub may have a firm Boundary against something like wax play, but bring it in after gentle sensation play or as an addition after a canning, and it might be exciting. Sometimes, we don’t even know what that Event Horizon is until it is happening, so check in with each other, often, while playing.
Every person is different, which means, if you know that something works for one person you have been with, do not assume that it is the same with the next person. You do not want to break your playmates… Unless you are doing an interrogation, but that is a completely different Fact Sheet.
It is all about the negotiations. Be timid, bot not afraid, to set your Boundaries, You may find that they change over time, and that is perfectly acceptable.
And, I have hit my writing Boundary for now. Go find what limits you have on yourself, and have fun doing it.
Miss R
