Fact Sheet - AfterCare
When thinking of the Fantasy of an encounter, whether it is a mild flogging, being dressed in the opposite gender's clothing or a hardcore sexual humiliation scene, the Fantasy usually ends with an orgasm, a fuzzy "it will be great" or "Then we go our separate ways". Reality intrudes on so many levels that the ending of the encounter is almost an afterthought in planning. That can be a mistake.
The after scene time is usually referred to as "Aftercare". Different people need and want different levels of aftercare and that can change from scene to scene as well as day to day. It is needed to let the people involved check how they are doing physically, emotionally and mentally before going into any other activities. Pushing yourself or your partner to do something right after a scene can be hard and can make the other person feel stressed in ways that can break a relationship. Headspace can linger for quite some time to the point that driving can be dangerous, so Aftercare has to be considered in the length of time you commit for your session.
Many people believe that aftercare is only for the sub or bottom. I do not believe this is true. The person leading the scene, the Top or Dom, can need a period of time to cool down, cuddle, be alone or whatever to recenter after a scene. If you are that Top, think about your needs for after the scene before it happens.
There are times when a scene feels great and is working out wonderfully until just after. This can mean that Aftercare should have been included in the negotiations. Aftercare is something that needs to be negotiated as much as the scene it's self. If you are dealing with someone who does not 'do' aftercare, make sure that you take care of yourself or have someone else available to do so.
Aftercare can be as simple as a hug to reconnect as people and friends and as complicated as blankets, showers and a nap. If you haven't had a scene yet, or you have had the after scene let down often, think about how you like to be treated or pampered after you have orgasmed or worked out for a lengthy time. That should tell you what you may need for an after scene 'cool down'.
Before you negotiate, here are a few questions to help you ask for what you need.
Now that you have read thru this, what 'Aftercare' questions should you ask of your partner?
Have you had or included Aftercare in scenes before?
Who do you prefer to administer your Aftercare? Your self, a partner, someone else, or haven't you thought about it?
What do you need, or think you would need, for your Aftercare(you can have multiple answers)? This can include so many levels and things to use. Consider blankets, hugs, sitting, being alone, shower/rinse off, alcohol, screaming, crying, cigarette, massage...
Have you had instances where you needed Aftercare that you did not receive? What would have made it better?
If you are at a Play Party, what things will you need to bring to have a good Aftercare session? What do you not want to happen during Aftercare at a Play Party?
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