The media gives a common vision of what someone who is Dominant does and is in todays society. It is good to have a starting point that is common, but the compare/contrast on what a Dominant actually is and does is far more nuanced than the images of Lady Heather or Christian Grey we have been given. How do we know who is Dominant if not with these common images?
To be Dominant, it takes knowledge and techniques to be able to showcase that dominance. We see the leather, the lace, the whips and chains. But, it would not work without the submissive in the relationship. Everyone is different, and every Dominant/submissive relationship is different. Yes, there is a penchant for dark humor and perhaps a little more giggling at others’ pain than is the median today, but, just like every interaction, the way a Dominant controls their submissive really is based on how that submissive allows themselves to be controlled.
Got you there, didn’t I.
It is the coin-sides of the Play we call Kink. You cannot have one side without the other, and the commonality that binds them together. You can have a simple D/s interaction just about anywhere without the obvious trappings we have come to expect. It takes communication between the people involved before and during, and that is what the media just doesn’t let us see. Without knowing the proper buttons to push, what makes it a good push, and what makes it a bad one, it will fall flat. Talking before a session or interaction is how you explore how a Dominant can control the submissive with them. Knowing that words have power, calling someone a sissy, may make them smile, it may make them get angry. Depending on the reaction wanted, both are good. It is the skilled Dominant that can use those reactions to push the submissive’s fantasy.
The physical techniques a Dominant uses, from Shibari rope work, through use of flogs and whips, to the ability to wrestle their submissive into a real submissive pose, are all flashy, and what people visually seek out. In some circumstances, such as open play parties, just having the physical nature of Dominance on display is what is needed, and wanted. It is what is beyond the snap of the whip and the hurting knees landing on the concrete floor that keeps a submissive coming back to a particular Dominant. From the outside, it may all look the same. From within the interaction, it can run hot, or cold.
How to define a Dom? Someone who can control with a word, a look, a flick of a finger. Because those are the things the submissive sees, and reacts to.
Kneel before me. 😉
Miss R
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