Scene etiquette : Meeting people outside the lifestyle
"Hey! Have I seen you somewhere before?"
This seems like an innocuous question, but when one person sees the other and can't remember where they have met, and the other person does because you have met at a play party, or more embarrassingly, played together, it can bring more than a bit of a flush of awkwardness to the situation.
There are many times when I am approached in restaurants, in the gym and even in department stores when people think they recognize me. There are many times it is innocent, but more often than not, we have met in a kinky setting. That is when things can get ... Interesting.
If you see someone that you think you know, and it turns out you met in a kinky setting, try to be discrete. They may have people with them who do not know about the things they do in their play time. If someone asks where you met, a good answer is, "A social club." You may need to back away to leave them to their conversation or activities, and a quick, "I'll see you" or other noncommittal phrase is good.
If the person you spotted is alone, please still be polite and not start in on the amazing rope scene you saw them do, or the scene you would like to do with them. Ask if they are available right then to talk, if they are willing to talk about alternative things. Take no for an answer.
If the setting is not conducive for talking, be willing to give them your contact information. Quickly. A card with a number or an email address is appropriate. Making them wait and write down how to get ahold of you is not. Asking them for their contact info is bordering on rude. If you have an alternative lifestyle email that you can use, that would be best, using profiles on sites such as O.K. Cupid or Fetlife, perfect. That keeps the kinky and the mundane from mixing too much.
Regardless if the person you are talking to is someone you have played with, or wish to play with, ask before calling them their 'in scene' name or title. Being called Mistress in the middle of a fast food restaurant can bring interesting looks, and be very inappropriate. Some people like it. I do not appreciate it without some warning. If you do not remember their every day name, say so. Asking, “What can I call you?” is always a good approach.
A good guideline is to approach someone you might have met in the BDSM lifestyle as if they had their Mother with them. This should cushion things socially until you both know each other a little better.
Have fun talking with people and you might just see me, before I see you.
Miss R from the Leathermines
Comments (0)