Definitions in BDSM: Cute Quips and why they are wrong
There are some cute shirts and bumper stickers that some of my subs and clients have offered me over the years. Tribute is always welcome, but sometimes I find it hard to accept things with sayings on them. Yes, I am a Pro-Dom. That does not mean I fit into any of the media stereotypes, and as such the t-shirts, even though cute, go unworn. Let me explain.
The beatings will continue until morale improves. This is a cute saying, and most of the time there is a pirate theme to it. Yay pirates. It is also goes against several of my personal rules. If I am in a bad mood, I don’t play with people. I do not take out my frustrations on someone, even if they are willing. It is not fair to them, or myself, and can lead to not seeing limits before I trample over them. If someone else is in a bad mood, I will hold off on giving a good flogging or such until I know why they are in a bad mood, and if getting beaten upon will really make them feel better. Most of the time, it will not.
If I wanted your opinion, I would have beaten it out of you. Um, no. That is abuse, plain and simple. I have relationships where it may look like I disregard the other person, but that is consensual with discussions where others cannot see them. Abusing someone for my own pleasure is not right, even though it may look like that is what I am doing. If I do not treat my sub with respect, they will not be my sub much longer.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me. O.k.. This one is cute. I still don’t wear anything with that on it because, well, they don’t. It is the person I am with and what we do that excites me, not the objects that are used. Others are object-oriented and I understand this, but not everyone who is into the BdSm lifestyle is into whips and chains and the pain that they represent. There is more to explore, and I like to start with the sensual and work my way up from there.
Ouch is not a Safeword. Um, yes it is. Cute, until you think about it. Not everyone has a pain tolerance and while I am in session with someone, I will take ouch as a Safeword. Yes, there is the Red/Yellow/Green standard, but not everyone uses it, and not everyone gets up to that point. It is all in the negotiations.
Queen Bitch/Bitch Goddess. Some days, it is appropriate. It is also offensive to me. Why would I wear a shirt that tells people I have an attitude that I might not feel right then? I am very open with what I am and what I do, but I do not need to have a 10 year old turn to his Mother and ask what it means in public. Yes, I do somethings to shock, but wearing swear words is not one of them. This goes for inappropriate names for female genitalia, offensive sexist pidgin-holing titles and just downright rude sayings. But that is me.
Mistress. Well, this one is one that I do like, but to offer to give me something that says Mistress on it is presumptive. I want to get to know someone before I let them call me Mistress. Having a t-shirt that says it as a gift assumes a relationship that just might not be there.
These are only a few of the things I have been offered over the years. Yes, they can be cute, but think about what they really mean, and who you would want to really wear them before spending the money. For me, start at the toes and work up and we will see what of the sayings is appropriate.
Have fun and I’ll see you at the Mall.
Miss R from the Leathermines.
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