« Posts tagged Safety

The pandemic and Kink

January 5, 2021 / posted in Article / No Comments

 

The past year plus, and yes, the Covid-19 pandemic officially started in a province in China in November of 2019, has been awful.  There is no other way to describe it, other than in even worse terms.  Those of us who saw what was coming because of knowledge of other disease events in our general memory, started to prepare and then hunker down as it started to touch off in disparate places in very short order.

Yes, there were runs on toilet paper, because the big paper mills were designed to supply the needs of sanitary products to workplaces, not the homes of the workers.  Yes, PPE, including disposable masks and gloves, became scarce, and still can be so because of the import structures imposed by the outgoing administration in the last 4 years, and not rebuilding our own territories after disasters.  Yes, supply chains were not just broken but crushed, showing the weakness of our global economy.

You may know of people who have had the disease, and the related syndromes that have been traced and tracked.  You might have had it yourself.  There are vaccines that have been produced, and treatments have been designed for those who have had to suffer through this.

It is not over.

I have been seeing people planning ‘we are over it’ gatherings, including Dungeon and Orgy parties.  For January.  For February.  For…  This is not only short-sighted, it is selfish.  But what other reaction can I expect from a society that has been expecting a Movie-style save in a self-centered and narcissistic nation?

As an aside, I would love one for late January for other reasons, after the deed is completely accomplished, but that is another matter.

Sex is messy.  Fetishes can be doubly so.  C-19 has been shown to be a sexually transmitted disease, as well as an airborne pathogen.  Health departments have been acknowledging that people who are horny need a release, and suggesting glory holes.  They have not been able to fully regulate masks and gathering limits, but bring up sex, and the male need always has an option.  For those of us in the ‘catching’ position, glory holes are less than glorious, no matter what the pornhub videos and sex games want you to think.  And, because people get horny, and people get reckless because of it, there are going to be more people infected as that isolation from sexual partners gets too hard to face.

Kink has helped.  Ball gag?  Put a mask over it and you can’t tell.  Have a gas mask hanging around?  It will seem odd, but most people will give a laugh at this point, not a side-eye.  Breaking out your medical play equipment?  Sharing your gloves and such with your circle is more than important, it will keep us alive.

Kink is physical, but it is first mental and emotional.  You cannot have a scene without first creating the scene.  With isolation and virtual presence starting to be the norm, creating environments for release is difficult, but with our biggest sex organ in full gear, it still can be satisfying.

Yes, I mean the brain, you perv.

At this point many of us have not been with our partners for months.  It will not get any better soon as the breakdown in distribution of medical essentials, including the various vaccines, is being further hindered by idiots who think the vaccines will recode our DNA or implant chips into our bloodstream.  If only those people would use that imagination to create a mental playground for us to use to get by, and perhaps satisfy our baser needs.  It is that base within us that should be addressed, not pushed to the side.  The build-up of frustrations, and not just sexual, can lead to horrific problems individually, and the explosion of mental and emotional shrapnel can take others with us when it happens.  To be able to use the virtual environment to assuage those frustrations includes being able to communicate our needs, and most Kinksters know how to do that, and should help those along who just are not getting it.

How to help others?  Be honest with yourself about what needs can be met in the Discord servers and Zoom chats and drag your friends in with you for audio and video debauchery.  There are people who have had ‘Show me your Dogs!’ video chats, why not ‘Show me your… Kitties”.  Use the technology we have to keep yourself and others safe so that in the future, you will be able to do those wonderfully nasty things you chat about.

See you in Chat. 😉 

Miss R

BdSm and Abuse

April 26, 2020 / posted in Article, FAQ / No Comments

 

“Please!  Mistress, I want you to abuse me!” you keen, as you do not see the room through the blindfold of your own making.

No.

Kink is not abuse

I just saw another interaction on a social media outlet that raised my hackles.  I direct messaged one of the people and found, instead of a shattered, joyless slave, there was a bouncy, uplifted bottom who reveled in the public humiliation.  They thanked me for making sure they were o.k., and I backed off.  And, even though the initial interaction I saw was not ‘good’, I was happy that they were happy.

Why did I message them?  Because, as a Dominant and reluctant Elder, it is my duty to be aware of situations that could turn badly, and cut it off before it does so.  The only way to do that is to go to the person who seems to be abused and communicate with them.

“But!  Isn’t all BdSm kinkiness abuse?” I hear you mumble through your socially unaware gag.

No. »Read More

The development of fetishes

April 13, 2020 / posted in Article / No Comments

Kinks are part of our lives, whether we wish for them or not.  The human brain fixates on things.  It is how we develop and learn.  When things become a ‘chase’ for resources, those scarce things become a fixation, and can lead to some fetishes that might be hard to understand.

Throughout the ages, scarcity has led to fetishism of the scarce thing.  From the obvious ‘exotic’ people who are different from those you are used to being around, to items that are imported and as such are rare or things that used to be common, but because of adversity has become scarce.  The use of the rare thing has created fetishes throughout the centuries, some of which are quite bizarre.

For an example, because of rationing during the World Wars, food became quite an element in fetish play in Britain.  Smoshing raised in prominence for the use of the rationed food items that could be found, wasting them in a sexualized way.  The use of canned beans for sitting in, or spreading on feet combined several fetishes and made the rare thing, the rationed food, the star.

In the age of consumerism we are in, the Covid-19 epidemic has created another wave of scarcity.  I have already seen toilet paper pornography, emphasizing the non-standard use and waste of a thing we used to take for granted.  It has also raised the awareness of a few things that are tangental, such as infantilism with the use of adult diapers.  The human mind is associative, and the lack of something makes the need to have it a driving primal force, and that muddies its self with other primal needs, which makes for sexual associations and kinks with the thing we are striving to find.

The cleanliness that protecting ourselves needs to work has also led to ‘dirty’ and ‘bug chasing’ videos becoming more popular.  It isn’t the non-use of condoms I am talking about, it is a rash of amateur videos of people who say they have Covid-19 having sex with other people.  There have always been bug-chasers, but this one is being documented.  Not only is it dangerous, it is a way of mainstreaming that dangerous kink by having pretty people having sex for your entertainment.

In the future, there will be other things that are ‘exotic’ or become scarce.  Those will then fold into the fetishes that are already there, with unknown waves of use and knowledge to effect what we do with that kink.  We shall see.

Wash your hands.

Fact Sheet – Aftercare

January 3, 2020 / posted in FAQ / No Comments

Fact Sheet - AfterCare

When thinking of the Fantasy of an encounter, whether it is a mild flogging, being dressed in the opposite gender's clothing or a hardcore sexual humiliation scene, the Fantasy usually ends with an orgasm, a fuzzy "it will be great" or "Then we go our separate ways". Reality intrudes on so many levels that the ending of the encounter is almost an afterthought in planning. That can be a mistake.

The after scene time is usually referred to as "Aftercare". Different people need and want different levels of aftercare and that can change from scene to scene as well as day to day. It is needed to let the people involved check how they are doing physically, emotionally and mentally before going into any other activities. Pushing yourself or your partner to do something right after a scene can be hard and can make the other person feel stressed in ways that can break a relationship.  Headspace can linger for quite some time to the point that driving can be dangerous, so Aftercare has to be considered in the length of time you commit for your session.

Many people believe that aftercare is only for the sub or bottom. I do not believe this is true. The person leading the scene, the Top or Dom, can need a period of time to cool down, cuddle, be alone or whatever to recenter after a scene. If you are that Top, think about your needs for after the scene before it happens.

There are times when a scene feels great and is working out wonderfully until just after. This can mean that Aftercare should have been included in the negotiations. Aftercare is something that needs to be negotiated as much as the scene it's self. If you are dealing with someone who does not 'do' aftercare, make sure that you take care of yourself or have someone else available to do so.

Aftercare can be as simple as a hug to reconnect as people and friends and as complicated as blankets, showers and a nap. If you haven't had a scene yet, or you have had the after scene let down often, think about how you like to be treated or pampered after you have orgasmed or worked out for a lengthy time. That should tell you what you may need for an after scene 'cool down'.

Before you negotiate, here are a few questions to help you ask for what you need.

Now that you have read thru this, what 'Aftercare' questions should you ask of your partner?

Have you had or included Aftercare in scenes before?

Who do you prefer to administer your Aftercare?  Your self, a partner, someone else, or haven't you thought about it?

What do you need, or think you would need, for your Aftercare(you can have multiple answers)?  This can include so many levels and things to use.  Consider blankets, hugs, sitting, being alone, shower/rinse off, alcohol, screaming, crying, cigarette, massage...

Have you had instances where you needed Aftercare that you did not receive?  What would have made it better?

If you are at a Play Party, what things will you need to bring to have a good Aftercare session?  What do you not want to happen during Aftercare at a Play Party?

Allergies and BDSM Play

December 7, 2019 / posted in Article, FAQ / No Comments

It is all fun until...

 

Several years ago, I had a client who had progressed to play that included Golden Showers.  The Dungeon at the time had a space with an open shower and toilet, and he had shown that he was earnest in his desire to Play that way.  It is a time I remember fondly.  Until I almost sent him to the hospital.

I have a waiver and questionnaire that I have all of my in-person clients fill out.  It is not unusual, as the intense nature of BDSM play can be dangerous, and a knowing, and willing, client is always preferable.  Part of the questionnaire is a medical disclosure form, basic, but covers things that could make some scenes dangerous if not taken into consideration.  I assumed at the time that the client had filled it out accurately.

I no longer assume that.

That day, there was a bit of wax play, some flogging and it segued into the shower for the wet part of the session.  It was fun, and it was sexy… until I saw he was starting to have problems breathing.  I stopped the session, tried rinsing him off where a rash was starting and also tried to get him to tell me how he was feeling.

I finally was able to pry out of him that he couldn’t breathe, he was itchy and he was feeling just unwell.  It clicked for me and I made him take some antihistamines.  And we called his emergency contact.

Let me back up.

About a week before, I started having UTI symptoms.  It happens.  So, I pushed fluids in the form of cranberry juice, choked down goldenseal and manganese and had a full prescription of antibiotics.  I was still taking the pills when I met my client.

There was nothing in his medical questionnaire about being allergic to the antibiotics I was taking.  In fact, when I rechecked, he hadn’t put anything in about an obvious scar on his leg, too.  He failed as a client and a sub.  I failed as his Dom for not making sure.

Along with other research I do for other portions of my life, I started looking into absorption rates and such for not only the pills I was taking, but of other medications.  It is scary how much just does not get absorbed in most medications when taken in pill form.  And it is also scary the scant amount it takes to make someone react when there is an allergy.

Keeping my horrific story in mind, you or your play partner may react during a session because of a sensitivity or allergy to anything.  Most of the time, you won’t even know that the slight headache or redness is a reaction at the time.  If you have mild symptoms, it can be easy to overlook.  Any severe allergy needs to be kept in mind for any play and worked around.

The things you do not think about until too late are what can ruin a situation.  Allergy to shellfish?  You may react to red cosmetics or dye with carmine as it’s base. Your partner has food allergies?  Make sure you don’t eat it for several days before you let them eat your ass.  Latex allergies?  Gloves, condoms, dildoes and more are available in other materials.  Bee allergy?  Some people are so sensitive that even beeswax candles can set it off.  Even using a lotion with wheat derivatives can make a Celiac uncomfortable and then fully react in the time you have them bound and suspended.

If you have an allergy or sensitivity, make sure you keep your medicines in your play bag.  Know your body.  And if you play with someone who has an allergy, keep an extra set of meds with you, and know how to use all of it, up to and including an Epi-Pen.  Keep a list of emergency contacts for yourself and your partner in your bag, too, just in case.  Know how to deal with things, and when to call in for help.  Emergency personnel have seen it all, so don't worry about that.  Medical play is a great thing, but please make sure you know what you are doing in a real medical emergency.

Playing with our fantasies in a BdSm situation is wonderful.  Keep in mind that fantasy can be smashed when reality takes your ability to function because of a medical issue.  As a Dom, it is a responsibility, and a privilege, to take care of both.

See you in the Bennadryl aisle.

Miss R

The Leathermines.com

Fact Sheet – Safe Word

August 31, 2011 / posted in FAQ / No Comments

Safe words are signals to those involved with a scene that something isn’t right. Safety may not seem to be a prime concern to those observing a scene, but without safe words, it can be downright dangerous. It is no fun loosing a partner.

If you are just starting out with fetish play, a simple ‘OW’ may suffice. If saying ow is part of the fun, perhaps something else should be chosen. There are several ways to choose a safe word. Try a word that would not come up in common conversation, like eclipse or birthday. If you have a pet or favorite person, try their name. If you have an ‘in scene’ name, use your real name as your safe word.

Perhaps you cannot think of a safe word, or your partner cannot. Try using the stoplight method.

Red means STOP right now.
Yellow means slow down or back off, but don’t stop.
Green means, it’s o.k., I actually liked it...
And for those who are into more color, Blue can mean, 'What, you hit me?'

Doing what is called a calibration at the beginning can let you know how hard to start out.  What would be a 4 on a 1 to 10 scale for one person may be a 9 for another.

If you are into gags, a safe signal should be employed. A small bell, a hand gesture or the ability to undo the bonds are all good ways of having a measure of safety.
If you are the Top/Dom of the scene, please keep in mind that sometimes the people you are with cannot think for themselves while under the influence of endorphins. The damage that you see may not register to your sub/bottom until it is too late. You can call Safeword as much as the person you are with. If they cannot answer you coherently, it is time to call Safeword.
I call Safeword and want you to answer a few questions.

Do you have a Safeword?
Yes ___ No ___

What is your Safe word?
Yes!  You must have one!   ______

Do you have different Safe words for different situations?
Yes ___ No ___

In what situation would you not want a Safe word?

(Trick question, even consensual non-consent scenes have safe words)

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