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Scene etiquette : Meeting people outside the lifestyle

August 2, 2019 / posted in Article / No Comments

Scene etiquette : Meeting people outside the lifestyle

"Hey!  Have I seen you somewhere before?"

This seems like an innocuous question, but when one person sees the other and can't remember where they have met, and the other person does because you have met at a play party, or more embarrassingly, played together, it can bring more than a bit of a flush of awkwardness to the situation.

There are many times when I am approached in restaurants, in the gym and even in department stores when people think they recognize me.  There are many times it is innocent, but more often than not, we have met in a kinky setting.  That is when things can get ... Interesting.

If you see someone that you think you know, and it turns out you met in a kinky setting, try to be discrete.  They may have people with them who do not know about the things they do in their play time.  If someone asks where you met, a good answer is, "A social club." You may need to back away to leave them to their conversation or activities, and a quick, "I'll see you" or other noncommittal phrase is good.

If the person you spotted is alone, please still be polite and not start in on the amazing rope scene you saw them do, or the scene you would like to do with them.  Ask if they are available right then to talk, if they are willing to talk about alternative things.  Take no for an answer.

If the setting is not conducive for talking, be willing to give them your contact information.  Quickly.  A card with a number or an email address is appropriate.  Making them wait and write down how to get ahold of you is not.  Asking them for their contact info is bordering on rude. If you have an alternative lifestyle email that you can use, that would be best, using profiles on sites such as O.K. Cupid or Fetlife, perfect. That keeps the kinky and the mundane from mixing too much.

Regardless if the person you are talking to is someone you have played with, or wish to play with, ask before calling them their 'in scene' name or title.  Being called Mistress in the middle of a fast food restaurant can bring interesting looks, and be very inappropriate. Some people like it.  I do not appreciate it without some warning.  If you do not remember their every day name, say so.  Asking, “What can I call you?” is always a good approach.

A good guideline is to approach someone you might have met in the BDSM lifestyle as if they had their Mother with them.  This should cushion things socially until you both know each other a little better.

Have fun talking with people and you might just see me, before I see you.

Miss R from the Leathermines

Miss R’s quick tips for Pro Doms

August 2, 2019 / posted in Article / No Comments

Miss R's quick tips for Pro Doms

I have been in and out of the Pro Dom thing for many years.  It depends on what is happening in my life, and how my social life is doing.  That sounds odd, but if I am doing well socially, I am doing well as a Pro Dom. 

There are a few things I have picked up over the years that help me in my day to day dommish things.  I hope that this is not too rambling.

Get a membership in a 24 hour gym.  One with many locations and affiliates is better.  A 24 hour gym allows you to clean up and change before or after a session without having to go home.  Or use the client’s facilities if it was not part of the negotiated scene. If you had to travel a ways, having a gym that can let you use their water to clean up is a good thing.

Along with a gym membership, have your workout bag with you if you can when you go to a session.  Keep an extra set of clothes with you, like a long dress or scrubs.  You can throw this on or over what you are wearing to keep decent, or to get into something clean, even if you are not using the gym.  

Be open about where you are going to the people you live with or who care about you.  Have a check-in time to let them know you are good and safe.  Having to lie or cover up what you are doing never works out.

Know what you are doing, and along with that, do not be afraid to say you do not have experience in something.  If you do not know about an activity, look it up, research it and let your gut tell you whether or not you are willing to do it.  Be careful and-

Don't be afraid to say, "No." It is not worth your health, life or reputation to let yourself be forced into something you don't wish to do.  Be straight forward with who you are dealing with, as in, try not to couch things in too many qualifiers such as 'maybe', 'perhaps' or 'I'm not sure'.  This leads to pushiness on the client's part which can lead you into doing things you shouldn't.

Have a backup plan.  No matter what you are doing, plan on an alternative.  If you are traveling to the other side of town to see someone and they either don't show up or it doesn't work out, know a place you can hang out at for a while to make the trip worth it.  If you plan on doing one type of scene, make sure you can do a different one without the key items needed for the planned scene.  Have a plan on getting home or to a safe place if your transportation fails you.  Always have a plan B.

Know others in the Pro part of the scene.  There are times when you may need to get out from under an appointment, or a client.  Being able to refer to another Pro is a good fallback.  You can set up 'Double Dom' sessions and get referrals back, too.

Allow yourself to have time to deal with the mental, emotional and physical aspects of your own Aftercare.  Aftercare is important for your client, but if you don’t take care of your own needs, you will burn out or be unsafe to be with your clients.  You are a professional, but the does not mean you are a machine.  Understand that a good scene or interaction has impacts on your psyche as much as the bad ones do.  Try not to let bad scenes, and the aftermath, overwhelm you.  Know that you will get through it, and onto the next thing or client.  It just may take a bit to balance yourself.

There are many other things that being a Pro Dom entails.  This is but a small portion go the things I have learned over the years.

Go out and make the world kneel.  I’ll bring the floggs.

Miss R from The Leathermines

An evening out at the Crucible

January 30, 2019 / posted in Article, Pictorials / No Comments

The city I live in has a strong alternative scene, a mixture of Industrial, Goth, Bd/Sm, and Fetish sliding around in a gender non-conforming way.  Several of the older clubs have gone away, some because of management, some because of Urban Renewal.  But, as it happens, the void left from a gathering space going away brings the opportunity for another to form.

The newest club is called The Crucible.  It is unassuming on the outside, and full of potential on the inside.  It opened New Years Eve and has been drawing in those of us who have needed it.  The themes that have been used are everything from benign craft days and a few after-work workouts to full on Unseelie Masquerades.  Timing was just right for myself and I went to the Masquerade. »Read More

Scene Etiquette: Arriving at your Pro-Dom

October 28, 2018 / posted in Article, FAQ / No Comments

Scene Etiquette: Arriving at your Pro-Dom

You have the time and date set.  You know where you are to meet.  The day comes and...?

Be nervous.  It’s o.k..  Fulfilling your fantasies can be nerve-wracking, but a great thing to do.  Just don’t let your attentions take you away from properly attending to your Domme.  Keep these things in mind and your time with your Dominant will go well.

Take a shower.  This might sound odd, but make sure you are clean.  Wash everything and do not put on huge amounts of cologne or body spray.  Your play may not involve taking your clothes off, but it is still good to be clean when you arrive so you do not offend your Pro-Dom.  You may be sent away never to be played with again by being stinky and unkempt.

Have your payment ready.  When you were in negotiation with your Pro-Dom for their services, it should have been made clear how the tribute would be given.  If not, cash is always good.  Do not try to hold back or re-negotiate when you see your Domme, you will be laughed at and sent away.

Allow yourself enough time.  Do not try to schedule too many things in the day you are seeing your Dom.  Do not squeeze Her in between meetings and appointments.  Give yourself at least an hour after the session is supposed to end to be able to gather yourself up and come back into reality.  Driving while under the influence of sub-space can be deadly.

Arrive on time.  Or early.  There is nothing more annoying than to be dressed and ready for a client who shows up half an hour late for a one hour session.  If you cannot be there on time, try to contact your Pro-Dom and be honest as to why you are being late.  If you are going to be very late, you may need to reschedule, you lost your guarantee deposit, and their good humor.  If you are meeting at a location you chose, make sure it is open and you are there to escort her in when she arrives.

Have your toy bag.  Have your favorite toys with you for the scene you negotiated.  Make sure they are clean and in good working order.  When you get there, offer to lay out the items you brought so that your Domme may see what you have, but do not expect them to be used.  Your scene may not use the items you brought, but most Dominants love using different toys on their submissives.

If you were given specific commands, such as shaving or wearing certain items, do it.  Showing that you can follow directions and are willing to play in the way your Dom does makes it easier to ask for another session, and have it accepted.  If you cannot do a specific thing, be honest as to why before you arrive at your session.  Do not disrespect your Pro-Dom by not following what you are told.  That will not lead to punishment in the form you wish, it will just piss Her off.

Make sure before you arrive how your Pro-Dom works the start of a scene.  Ask if it starts when you meet or if there will be a set-up time.  Different Doms have different ways of dealing with a scene, so know before you arrive.  If you don’t know, assume it starts as soon as you see them.

Know your Safe Word.  Your Dominant should ask you what it is at the beginning.  If not, use the stop-light method and call out ‘RED’ when you are pushed beyond your limits.

Every Dominant is different, but this should keep you from pissing off yours and letting you enjoy your time.  Let the play happen and follow directions.

Have fun and I’ll see you at the other end of the flog.

Miss R from the Leathermines.

When you register…

March 19, 2018 / posted in Article, FAQ / No Comments

When you register...

»Read More

Stereotypical phrases

February 11, 2013 / posted in Article / No Comments

 

I was at a conference when I heard this - "Teaching a blowjob like a gay guy."
I laughed.  Then I thought.  It made me think about stereotypes, specifically ones in BdSm. 
What stereotypes are there in bdsm?
Exit to Eden, 50 shades of Grey, Lady Heather... »Read More

I am now tweeting.

July 6, 2012 / posted in Article / No Comments

To help let people know where I am and what fabulous things I shall be doing, I now have a Twitter account.  Look for leathermines and keep up to date with what I am doing.  Be nice, and I might follow you, too.

 

Miss R

Fact Sheet- How to plan a Play Party

April 17, 2012 / posted in Article, FAQ / No Comments

I have had experience planning, and hosting play parties. Some were very successful, some I have carefully forgotten. Well, not completely forgotten, for if you do not learn from your mistakes, you are bound to repeat them.

The best way to plan a Play party is to know what you want out of it. Is it a Dom tea party? Is it a video watching party? Buffet served on naked subs? Touchy-feelly or stand off and watch others? Think about this as you plan.

Do you have a place to hold a play party? If you don’t, that kind of puts a kink, as it were, into the whole idea. Space wise, if there will be any real play between people, bondage, flogging, etc., plan on about 25 square feet per couple at full play. Sounds like a lot, but consider that is only a space 4 feet by 5 feet, slightly larger than the footprint of a loveseat. Split up the combined area into play, watching and rest and you may need a fairly substantial space. »Read More

Uh, food?

April 3, 2012 / posted in Article / No Comments

I am a contributor to MadisonKink.com.  I write articles about all sorts of things over there and usually do just my Erotica and such over here.  But, if you have come here from MadisonKink, you might be wondering why I have pictures of myself in Chef whites on MadisonKink.

I am a... wait for it... Chef.  Tada!  That is one thing about the BdSm community and lifestyle.  The play is nice, but there is real life that has to pay the bills.  Just like any hobby, like bowling or comic books or golf, it is an investment in time and money.  Then there are those pesky everyday things like utilities and rent.  Yea, I know.  It kinda blows the whole Pro Dom persona, but it is reality and the truth.

I have been in food service for a very long time.  I have done everything from dishwasher and bussing up to running catered feasts.  Just like with me coming 'up in the ranks' in kink, I have done so in cooking.  I am not the best and most famous, but I get things done.  And, being a Service Chef(see what I did there?), I want to cook for others.

If you are interested in cooking lessons, meal planning or having an event, contact me.  I am open minded and try to work with people.  And I don't mind a little alternative lifestyle in the mix.

R

Cafe Press Shop

April 1, 2012 / posted in Article / No Comments

I know that some of you have looked at my Tribute Page.  I just can tell.  One way to keep me happy is to take a jaunt over to my Cafe Press shop and get something.  I am going to be putting a few more things up, as my devious mind thinks of it.

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