I am a Dom. I am a Top. What ever you want to classify me as, I am dominant in the relationships I have.
I have been submissive. By choice and not.
To be a Top, I believe that having some time on the bottom helps. It gives a perspective on what you are doing that you cannot have if you are exclusively Dominant. It also takes quite a bit of imagination and education to be a Top. When you are Top, you are actually making the dreams and wishes of your Bottom come to life. Knowing this, it is hard sometimes to be able to live up to the heights which your Bottom thinks you will take them. Doing unexpected things can happen on occasion, but even in an S&M or B&D relationship, it can get routine and boring after a while. There really is only so much that you can do with ropes and manacles. There are just so many scenarios that can be played out. Being careful not to go into very dangerous or illegal activities can go by the wayside if the edge of what you are doing is dulled.
Many people not in the game, and I do consider this a game, only see the leather, handcuffs, and the Top being served. They do not see the hours, nay weeks, of talking, of exploring of fantasies, finding limits and patience with each other. There are professional Doms out there. They are usually very good at seeing what you need right away. Most of us need more time, but do not take the time we should.
When I am approached to be the Top in a scenario, scene, whatever you want to call it, I try to find out what they really want. Is it that they want to do the housework by force, or is it wearing the maids costume that is their turn-on? That changes how it is gone into and the actual execution of the game. If it is the Costume, is it a man or a woman who is to be the maid? Training the bottom to be right for the role might take some time before the real scene is played out. This is why you need to talk to the person you are with, not just flog them, though that can be quite fun, too. Make sure that only nice surprises are in store, not nasty ones.
Equipment is one thing that people always say they do not have. For B&D games, all you really need is a sturdy frame of somesort(bed, chair, etc.) and something to tie with. The ties could be as elaborate as leather manacles, handcuffs and harnesses. They could just be scarves or smooth ropes that you have around. Sometimes, when you do not see the fancier equipment, the excitement is more as the scene progresses, and the one who is tied up does not know what is coming next. And sometimes, just tying them to themselves is the best restraint.
Whatever you do, have a safeword. This is a signal to the Top that things have progressed too far for the bottom. If there are medical conditions, emotional or other bug-a-boos, or just as a safety net, it is a good idea to have a safeword. Some Tops choose the word for the bottom, some let their bottom choose. It is up to those involved, but make sure there is one.
Danger can be a turn-on, but if you can actually kill someone with what you want to do, don’t do it. Electricity, asphyxiation and other things that can be used in the Game, but unless you are trained by a professional, don’t do it. Have I said that enough? If it leaves a permanent mark, don’t do it!
Piercings might be the only thing that goes against the no permanent mark rule. They can heighten sensations, but if done wrong, they can kill feelings all together. Go to a well recommended piercer, hopefully one that has gone to several seminars or classes with some sort of certification. If they say to just jump up on the table without actually talking to you and come towards you with the needle without cleaning the area, leave. They might not have more than one needle...
If you are interested in getting involved with a group, talk to people you know. There are Play Groups lurking about in most communities. Some are thinly veiled, some are quite obscure, but all are there for fun. Some groups meet in private homes, some in Hotels. A very few actually have their own space, but if you find one, that can be one of the best ways to go. There are pros and cons to each type, but look for people you either already know and do things with, or have similar interests.
That is all for now. But I am always thinking of things.
Miss R
