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Cold, cold rain pushed by cold, cold wind kept everyone who could stay inside by the fires. It had been almost a week since the twenty new arrivals had come in. It was getting crowded in the wardmans’ bunk and some people started to sleep semi-permanently in the Great Hall.
The household was bustling with activities big and small, but all important. From the people who were still clearing and fortifying the keep and castle to the ones who were mending the clothing for the upcoming winter, all hands were as busy as they could be.
The days were becoming long as the light grew shorter. The morning meeting was now the only time that everyone tried to be together. It was the time to check in with each other. It was the time to make sure the jobs of the day were laid out, the priorities now openly made clear and not chosen by the people who wanted to do things. The protector patrols and guard shifts were called out in the morning, everyone to know where the protectors were supposed to be and when. And the food was the one meal that everyone tried to have, even though evening meal usually had more variety, more people were now on patrols or busy when evening meal was set out.
Laun was master of none of the skills it took to run the household. But she was mistress of the household. She found herself on the back of Grace going from defense to guard post most afternoons, even though Lucaris would wag her finger when she saw. The palfrey had such a steady gait, and they knew each other well enough that Laun felt most comfortable riding instead of walking. At least once a day, Grace felt Laun start to hurt and went to her knees so her Lady riding could get off and lay on the ground for a few minutes. The warmth of the horse next to her, even when it was threatening another gale, was enough to keep her warm.
Nan was walking without help by then, Jake showing signs that she had been able to have other activities before. She herself was showing more signs of pregnancy in how every food she ate came up within a few minutes, but she was always hungry. Orgia finally just had a pot of oatgruel on the hearth just for Nan so she would have something to eat.
It turned out, Nan was not the only one who had to partake of the gruel. By the end of one week, it was learned that three of the dancers and six of the household staff were also pregnant. Orgia stopped being amazed and started on preparations to turn one of the inside rooms into the women’s bower. The chatelaine did meaningfully look at Laun several times, but since Laun started her woman’s bleed, the hope that the Lady was one of the fertile ones was set back. At least another month.
The men that Dougal had with him all were recovering from the running battles they had been going through for months. There were far more men than women, and with the new men in, the women had started to negotiate who they would go after, even pregnant. Some of the men declined and found it odd that once declined, none of the women would approach them again. It was pointed out to them that if they wanted something, they should ask for it. Even the father of Emmy, Killar, knowing his wife had been killed, sought an evening of consolation with one of the women of the household once he understood there was no pressure, and no commitment.
The bed activities made the household close. The lack of needing to know who the fathers of the children who were expected in Spring and Summer relaxed many of the relationships. Communications became easy, especially between people who knew each other well in the dark.
Laun spent most of the wet, cold morning wrapped around a heated stone in her chamber. She was not asleep, and she had refused any of the elixirs from the healers. The stablehand Ali appeared at the foot of her bed and had oils and warmed cloths to help relax her. Laun had already taken off her tunic as it seemed to bind her under the covers and around the stone. He pulled back the covers just enough to put the warmed cloths on her hip before crawling in under with her. The gentle way he lay with her, stroking her back and pressing as little as possible made her as sleepy as any elixir could have.
He was completely naked for the first time that she remembered. He was pressed up against her, keeping her back warm. His breath on the back of her neck smelled of mint, a cooling and warming sensation at the same time. He was tender and gentle, a hand running fingers through her hair. Laun’s hand went back, meaning to put her hand on his hip but he had rolled slightly and her hand went between them.
He jumped and moved back as Laun’s hand grazed his crotch. “Sorry, Lady, I thought you were asleep.”
Laun was slightly confused when she rubbed her fingers together in an action to remember what she just touched. “I was, but I wanted to touch you, let you know you being here is welcome and appreciated. I am sorry if I scared you.”
Ali came back within touching distance and took Laun’s hand. “I...” He guided her hand to between the legs behind her.
Laun’s hand touched the fur she had seen on everyone, light on some, heavy on others. His hand guided her down. Down past where she was expecting his manhood. And down into a place only women had. It was warm and wet and slick...
Laun wanted to turn to face him. Her. Even with the intense cramps and the still protesting back, Laun turned, keeping her hand in the unexpected treasure. The look on the stablehands face was a wash of shame and fear with moments of pleasure as Laun’s skilled fingers found the nub that should have been a shaft and manipulated it. The covers were back and Laun could plainly see the masculine, muscled chest, but now, the shape, the larger nipples made sense.
Ali tried to turn away and put her hands on Laun’s to try to get her to stop. Laun shook her head and went up on one elbow for a moment. Ali’s eyes were closed and there was an embarrassed flush on her face.
Laun took the stablehands short hair in hand, and pulled towards her. She kissed deep and long. Laun forced her leg between the stable hands’ knees and opened her legs. Even with the pads in the garment between her legs, Laun could feel her own womanhood become excited and respond to the groan being forced out of the hidden women beneath her.
The anger for being lied to for years, for having something hidden, even if it was not her place to have the anger, came out as her fingers entered the stablehands wetness, feeling a tightness, a barrier. She knew what that was. She wanted it. It was hers, by right of leading the household and Ali having been a bought servant. Laun pulled on the back of Ali’s head, breaking the deep kiss.
“Mine.” Not a question. A statement. There was still fear in her stablehand’s eyes as Laun looked down, but there was also a small nod and the stablehand closed her eyes. Tears started to flow from the corners.
Laun’s finger went deeper. Ali was very tight, but very wet. Laun held the stablehands hair to the bedding, and pressed down with her own mouth. Her finger came out of the hole, slick. She put two in and then three, the reactions beneath her increasing with the number of fingers. The unused space was not deep to the barrier that it seemed was the prize, a membrane that moved and spread around the Lady’s fingers, but was still resisting the pressure. And then Laun had four fingers in.
Ali started to wiggle away, her hands trying to push Laun’s hand from her crotch. Laun saw the pain. She stopped, her hand squeezed into the woman beneath her up to the last knuckles. The gasp that was coming up from beneath her was tinged with pain and pleasure and into her own breathing.
Laun pulled back, concerned that she was going too far, taking that which was not hers and being like the man who had taken her mother. The stablehands eyes flew open as Laun withdrew her hand. “Please... Take it. Me. As you will-” Laun pressed her mouth strongly on Ali’s before she was able to complete the oath.
The fingers went back in, gliding in and out and past her button. Laun could feel the tension she knew, the body beneath her starting to come to a brink. And the barrier was still there. Laun left Ali’s mouth and positioned herself lower, over a now hard nipple. She started to suck and bite as her hand forced it’s self deeper into where she wanted it to go. She felt the rip on her fingertips, even more liquid to lubricate her stroking in and out. The thrusting from the stablehand now matched the hand, her back arching and her hands gripping the bedding.
Ali peaked, Laun’s hand gripped tight, and she could not move it, though the hip thrusts were clearly strong enough to push the hand in further. Ali grabbed a pillow and pushed it over her face, a wail coming out and muffled only slightly. The convulsions lessened and the pillow fell to the side.
Laun was able to withdraw and brought her hand up to see it. It was covered with various juices streaked with red. Ali took Laun’s hand and started to lick, to clean her own juices off Laun’s fingers.
The stablehand’s chest was her pillow. She could hear the racing heart beneath, slowing but still fast. Laun felt oddly strong and victorious right then. She thought that must have been how Fount felt as he took her virginity. He had been a lot faster.
Her hand was mostly clean. The stablehand put an arm around Laun and kissed her forehead.
Laun looked up into the eyes she had always thought were of a man’s. The slight wrinkles around the edges with the tear trails from them, the clean face that always seemed to have a little nick from shaving on the chin. The short hair, not quite helmet length but longer and brown. The muscles that could lift bales of hay or turn an angry horse. The hands that were strong... Any femininity had been beaten out of those hands years ago.
“Lady...” Her voice was still the shy, deep voice Laun remembered. “I - My father sold me to Lord Salam-Dir years ago as a boy because he could not sell me to a brothel as a girl. I hit puberty early, but never really developed. I ran, hunted and farmed alongside my family, all men. But when a hard winter came and my father needed money...”
Laun stroked the stablehand’s cheek with her still moist hand. “No explanations. You are who you are. But...”
Laun pushed herself up and looked into the woman’s eyes. “Who do you want to be?”
She blinked. “Whoever you-”
Laun still had her hand under Ali’s head. The temptation to pull on the hair was very strong. Laun let the temptation flow through her fingers and grasped the hair at the back of the stablehands’ head, stopping her voice.
“If you want me to decide, you have to live with it. Do you understand?” She nodded, pulling against Laun’s hand.
Laun put her head on the stablehand’s chest and thought. It did not take long, but Laun came up with an idea. “I would like to introduce you to a few people as the person you are, not the person you have been pretending to be. If it scares you too much, we will leave it at those people.”
“Thank you, Lady. I knew you would understand.” She again kissed Laun’s forehead. The emotional and physical exhaustion overcame her and she was asleep under Laun in a few moments. Laun pulled the covers up and let sleep take her, too.
That evening, in between sipping tea and talking with people who came to the chamber, including her cousin Dougal, Laun asked for several people to join her for a private meeting, a discussion. The stablehand sat on the floor next to her, a position that seemed natural to both of them. The stablehand would run and fetch or sit and almost get petted as Laun went through the business at hand. When they were alone, Ali would bring out a little flute and play melodies on it.
The three who she had asked to join her arrived together and the guard on the door was asked to not let anyone through for at least half an hour.
Fount drew the chair from the anti-chamber and Disa sat on it. Edgar stood and Fount was on the edge of the bedding.
“What do you need to discuss, Lady?” Edgar looked like he had been out in the rain too long that day and still seemed slightly wet, even though he had dry clothes on.
Laun was running her fingers though the stablehand’s hair. “It has come to my attention that we have someone here who has been deceiving us.”
Fount’s eyes went to the stablehand and flicked back up to Laun. “Should he be here?”
Laun felt the slight nervous shake in the stablehand and grasped her hair. “Yes. I want Ali here.”
Disa had one eyebrow up as she said, “New favorite?”
“Not exactly. This is the one who has been deceiving us.”
Edgar became stern, Font was off the bed and Disa seemed to puff up in size.
“Be calm. It is an issue that I would like us to discuss before any action is taken, other than what I have already done.” The stablehand looked down and seemed to blush in a very feminine way.
“What deception? I have known Ali for the last decade. Good with the horses, quiet but observant. A good man.” Edgar had his arms crossed on his chest.
“That is the deception.” Laun took her hand off the stablehand’s head and motioned for her to stand. “Take off your tunic.”
“Yes, Lady.” She did so and stood, waiting.
Disa tilted her head and said, “...and?”
Laun patted the stablehand on the butt and said, “You hear her. Bottoms too.”
The breeches hit the stone floor and her hands were over her crotch. Laun gently took ahold of one of the arms and moved it. “She is shy and I would like to have this be between only us.”
Fount suddenly sat back down. Edgar looked confused, as did Disa for a moment.
“That explains a lot.” Edgar uncrossed his arms and stepped towards the stablehand. He raised his hand and paused. Ali looked up and just looked steadily at him. Edgar put his hand on her chest and drew down over the nipple. The stablehand’s skin trembled under his touch. His hand went down her chest to her stomach and then into her crotch. Edgar had to catch the stablehand as he manipulated her, the sensations overwhelming her.
Edgar pulled his fingers out and looked at the slight red tinge. Laun smiled. “She was mine. I took her.” She held up the hand that had taken the stablehand’s virginity.
Disa had a wide smile. “We have to rein you in, Lady. Right of first is something I have never heard of for a woman leader, but you are...unusual.”
“The point is... Now that it is known, she wants us, me, to decide who she is to be.”
“Not our decision. It is up to her.” Edgar stepped back and wiped his hand on his breeches.
“I was thinking the same thing, but she insists that she cannot decide that. She has been living with us as a man for so long, it is difficult, and will be difficult for everyone else.” Laun waved at Edgar, indicating his breeches and his look. “The distaste you show is only part of it. If you react that way, how is she going to be treated by those...less reasonable?”
Edgar got the hint and turned away for a moment. Disa stood and went to the stablehand. She took Ali by the shoulders, grasped them and then embraced her. Disa kissed the stablehand on the cheek. “You are you. If you want to live as a man, you should do so. If you want to live as a woman you would be welcome, too.”
Laun put her hand on the stablehand’s butt. She let herself stroke it slightly before saying, “Get dressed.”
Laun looked over at Fount. He still seemed stunned. “And what say you?”
Fount looked at Laun and shrugged, not looking at Ali directly. “I had always wondered why I was attracted to you. I just thought it was the way you handled the horses.”
The stablehand was dressed again and was at Laun’s feet. Laun leaned forward, her insides cramping slightly at the movement. She took the stablehand’s chin and made her look up. “There you have it. A spread of reactions, but we all think you need to decide for yourself. Though, it looks like several shoves towards being a woman.”
Ali looked down as far as she could with Laun’s hand still on her chin and then back up while saying, “So you have decided I need to decide? If I am known as a woman, do I still work with the horses?”
Edgar snorted. “I would insist. The others in the stable may have to think hard before saying anything against you. I have seen you scrap. You may need to defend yourself.”
Laun leaned back and Ali dropped her chin. “Sir, I am used to it.” She shot Disa a look. “But no dresses.”
Disa looked offended. “Me? You look at me when you say it?” Disa smiled. “You already have clothing appropriate for the stables.”
Laun was about to say something about clothing inappropriate for the bedchamber but a scratch came on the door. Ali was up and at the door before Laun could motion. Ali stuck her head around the tapestry and said, “Lady, His Majesty wishes to talk to you.”
Laun nodded and Ali disappeared again. Dreng was ushered into the small space, Ali waiting in the Anti-chamber.
“Shall we leave?” Edgar was stepping forward to the door already.
“No. It will be common knowledge soon.”
Disa stood and offered the chair to Dreng. He accepted and glanced at all of them in the room as he sat. He took a moment, long enough that Laun was getting nervous.
“Sire?”
He shook his head. “I just haven’t had to do this for decades. I-” He cleared his throat. “Lady Laun, I petition you for the right to ask one of yours to be my wife.”
Relief was through the room and Laun could hear a small chortle from the anti-chamber. Laun knew who it was, but had to make her claimed Grandfather suffer. “Ah! Oh, I’m not sure... Who is the young thing you are asking about?”
Dreng had a look on his face that was priceless. Laun had been one of the first people in decades that outright had told him no and he was thinking she would do it again. “Lady, it is Bett.” He smiled thinking about her.
Laun tried to look serious. “Well. Do you think, with war upon us, that this is appropriate?”
“Yes, Lady.”
“And, are you ready for the responsibility you are asking for?”
Dreng smiled wider. “You sound just like my father when I told him I wanted Colleen.”
Laun nodded. “And?”
“Yes, Laun, I am.”
“And for the most important question- What does she say?”
Dreng sat back a bit in the chair. “I haven’t, that is, the subject hasn’t come up while, that is...” He had the decency to flush with his emotions.
“Grandfather, go to her and ask her. If she says yes, I will bless or whatever you are asking for.” She held out her hand to him and he took it.
“Thank you. I know you are not traditional,” Laun saw the smirk on Fount’s face, “but I am. I needed to ask.” He kissed Laun’s fingertips and stood. “With your permission, I will go and find her.” Laun nodded and he left, a lightness in his step that was good to see.
The outer door closed and there was a held round of laughter. “I thought he was going to say that we were about to be invaded or something.” Laun held her head as the headache that had appeared suddenly was pounding after the laughter.
Disa moved and put her hand on Laun’s forehead. “You seem a little warm.”
Knowing the next thing Disa might say, Laun nodded. “Perhaps some tea and back onto the mat.” Laun saw Disa smile, and heard the door open and close to the corridor.
Laun took an assessment of her condition. Yes, she felt a bit warm, the back of her throat was being not quite sore but itchy and a muscle ache that was not associated with her woman’s time had started up in more of her body. There had been a buzzing behind her eyes that was slipping into her ears. She was coming down with something.
“Do not tell anyone I actually asked for this, but tell our healers I think I am coming down with something. And since I might be...”
Disa caught the tone of Laun’s voice and continued for her, “...others maybe sick. Looks like you may have some different company, or no company, if you are the only one sick, Lady.”
Laun nodded, noting the slight stiffness in her neck that she either had been ignoring or had just started. “Well, I think we will have tea in a moment, but I know I need to change my pad and hit the privy. Disa, if you would escort me?”
The women walked the halls to and from the privy, Laun nodding to people, but not touching them, just in case she was sick. It was probably too late, but she knew the precautions that children usually had pounded into them, and ignored. Laun felt the itch at the back of her throat grow and her first bout of coughing started before they reached the chamber again.
She was right. Tea was on the table, steeping as Laun made her way back. Ali went back out and was able to find Lucaris after it was mentioned that Laun may need a healer, not just some warming tea. Ali was trailing the Shaman as they were both not quite running down the corridor.
Ali held back the tapestry for the shaman and stayed in the anti-chamber. Lucaris, usually full of bouncy motherly outrage, was all business as she held her hand on Laun’s forehead, neck, both sides of her throat and a few other places. The redness of the inside of Launs throat was noted, the buzzing in the ears was mentioned.
Lucaris nodded. “Yes. You are sick. One of the fighters Dougal brought with him has been having similar symptoms for about a day. I would not be surprised if more people came down with it. Well. Let’s assume everyone in this room has been exposed. More so than the rest of the household.” She went to a small series of pouches sewn into the back of her apron. One of the little bottles was brought out and a bitter green elixir was in the glass container.
Laun shivered at the sight. Lucaris looked slightly surprised. “You know what this is?”
“Pillar gave me several doses before he figured out what I had been poisoned with.”
Lucaris squinted her eyes at Laun for a second. “I need to consult with him. I did not know you had been poisoned. Let me-” The door opening and closing paused her.
“She will be right back.”
Lucaris’ eyebrow lifted, but that was all the comment she made. It took a few minutes, but Pillar had already heard that his wife had been called to Laun’s side, so had started in that direction himself. He ghosted into the crowded room and waited.
Disa and Fount sat on and scooted into the bedding to make some room. As the healers talked in low tones, sometimes including Laun in the discussion, Disa and Fount sat against the bolster on the head of the bed. They watched as the healers started to pull little bottles and containers from odd places and trying to give instructions to the increasingly vague looking Laun. Edgar looked like he wanted to pace, but since there was no room, he rocked back and forth on his feet.
Fount found that he was looking at Disa. Not her face or her body, but the hand that was very close to his on the quilt. It was not as delicate, or scarred, of a hand as Laun’s. It was dexterous with a needle, and he had seen what it could do to their Lady on heated nights. He had an impulse to hold that hand. He generally did not have impulses like that with anyone but Laun. His Lady, the one he held above all others. But...
She was officially pronounced sick. Pillar turned and made sure everyone in the room, and possibly anyone passing in the hall, could hear his voice as he said, “Until this fever you have passes, you are not, I repeat not, to leave this room, unless you are escorted to and from the privy.”
“But morning meeting-”
Lucaris put her hand on Laun’s shoulder. “It will go on without you. You need to be better before you can be there for the rest of us.”
Pillar nodded. “There will be only a few people allowed to see you, to keep the risk of more of this spreading. I like the washing in the anti-chamber. I have some stuff that I will bring for everyone to wash with to help keep this here.”
“Great,” Laun moaned. “I am a leper.”
“Not quite, but with the women who are pregnant, and all the cold weather coming in, we cannot allow this to spread any further. The fighter is already in a bunk by himself, curtained off to keep things away from others. We may need to bring him here and boil his bedding.” Lucaris turned to her husband. “Yes?”
He just nodded. They looked at each other for a moment, as if they were talking and then broke off. Pillar left with a nod to Laun and one to Edgar. Lucaris measured out some stuff into one of the mugs and poured the hot tea over it.
Laun looked pained. “This is going to taste awful, isn’t it.”
“Yes. And it gets worse the longer it steeps. Drink.”
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