Tammi, an adventure
O.k.. Let me see if I can get this all down. And understandable.
Sometimes I think I can describe my life as a TV show. Or perhaps a movie. I am not remarkable. I just... seem to get into the best odd situations.
Best may be an exaggeration. Overstatement? My life is a series of adventures. Let me start by describing something that happens at my home quite often.
Think of sitting on a couch, the lights are dim in the room except for the light of the tv. That does not seem all that different from other evenings, I know, but this is one of my favorite things to do. I sometimes have others with me, most of the time, I am alone. The show starts.
The tv has the flash of horsemen riding across the screen, the deep voice of a mystic telling those watching just enough to let them know that it will be an adventure. A high adventure. And then the drum-heavy music.
I love the Conan movies.
My mom has tried to understand over the years. She was able to get me to focus on things outside of the Robert Howard made world by convincing me that I could learn the skills that Conan would have. She did not tie me to a grindstone or anything, but I went into Judo and then into Brazilian Ju-Jitsu to learn martial arts. I found a stable that would let me work for lessons so I could learn to ride horses. And she gave me one of the best things ever when I needed it most, a library card. I have a running list with them of all the Conan books, reprints of the pulp magazines and anthologies. I started to read other barbarian literature, even the John Carter of Mars series, to see what else was out there, but always came back to Conan.
I just want to say that Gor sucks. I would describe it in more certain terms, but I don’t do that. It was hard to read the series, but I did it, just to see what life outside of Cimmeria would be like. I hated the misogynistic way the women were treated, the expectation that all women were property, were slaves. Even the ones born to royal houses. Ugh. It made me think of how I was treating others in my life and it was hard to change, but I did it. I even made a point to try to butch myself up. Right before I had to go Outward Bound camping with my BJJ class and found I was useless without a guy around to carry things for me. Steve always had these combo tool things with him which saved the day, right after he hauled the stuff I had brought out of the mud and into the cabin.
That was embarrassing, but it showed me that I needed to find what other skills that those in Conan’s world would have.
Living in the Hyborian age would be cool, but very difficult. At least that was what I thought for years. There are so many kingdoms that are in that universe that Conan went through. I was convinced that It would be the best thing ever. Except, no internet.
Mom is one of the coolest people I know. We live in this little house, but it is better than the apartment we were crammed into for several years. She is getting better with her collections, but I still don’t know how she can find paperweights and little figurines wherever we go. Every surface we have is covered with glass things. Moving them was hard, and several were broken, but Mom just found it an excuse to get more. I have to admit that I have a few collections of my own.
Wait, I haven’t even told you who I am! My name is Tammi Moorehouse. Yes, Tammi with the little ‘i’ at the end. My parents decided the spelling before I was born, wanted to make sure I had something different. I don’t even have a middle name to fall back on. It was neat to have a different name when I was in grade school. I could make little balloons and hearts for the dot above the I. I got over that when I hit High School. Real fast. My social studies teacher took a full half of one of the early classes to demonstrate to the class how stupid the star I had put above my ‘i’ had been on the paper I had turned in. I had only scored 12 out of 20 points, not even a C grade. He made an example of me and I never put anything above my I again. Not even a dot. I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t.
My Mom noticed, asked once and I said I was over it. She didn’t push, but I think she talked to some people at school because the paper that I had turned in... He let me redo it and I was able to pull it to a B. And he never pointed out my little i again.
I am a Junior in High School, now. That is a great and horrible time. I am almost old enough to vote, and I got my license, but Mom won’t let me drive the car. I bike everywhere, so it’s cool. She says that I am not focused enough to be able to drive, yet. We have our little adventures, like her going to the passenger seat and forcing me to drive her to and from the store for chili makings one night. I was so excited, and then scared, and then... I am glad we made it home. She does these things and lets me figure out that she is right. The big truck that I didn’t see before I crossed Jacob Street scared the living lights out of me!
Oh, that is one thing you should know about me. I don’t swear. It isn’t that I am trying to be a good Christian or anything. I am just not willing to let kids younger than me hear things that their parents have to explain coming from me. So I don’t swear, talk about role playing games, Conan or politics. Much. O.k., I talk about Conan, but only when prompted at this point.
Role playing was how I was able to explore a bunch of the alternate universe that Conan could have lived in. I was introduced to D&D when I was about 10 by someone my Mom knew. That was close to the beginning of my obsession. I think she saw what was coming and started the focusing thing then. Focus is one of her favorite words and concepts. Bill brought over a few teens to our house and were playing a dungeon crawl in our living room. I was torn between watching the movie and watching the game. And then I was sucked into the game. Bill had me play out an NPC, Non-Player Character, and I was hooked. I started with D&D but I have played Traveler, Champions, D&D 3.5 and 4.0, several smaller games that the local game store hosts and started to do collectable card games. Magic: The Gathering is an apt name. I have only tried to be in a tournament once and was soundly beaten. I thought I had I good deck with 50 cards. Nope.
I have even Live Action Role Played. Larping is like play-acting for grownups. I was in several Vampire - One World By Night games, but the politics sucked. So to speak. I never really was able to get into that, but it was fun, and I was able to dress up for no apparent reason. I am not the girliest of girls, but I do like an excuse to dress up.
Halloween is always a great time. I take about a month before to remake my barbarian outfit and wear it to school, to parties, to... Anywhere I can get away with it. Even to Judo and BJJ class. When I was ten, this meant a fake-fur halter and a ragged skirt made of an old duffle bag. At this point, half my closet holds my gear.
My room looks like twins live in it. Perhaps Multiple Personality. Or Psychopath. I have a Beiber poster from the concert I went to up on the wall next to a Megadeath poster, that I did not go to the concert for. I love the Megadeath poster for the image, not really their music. I have sparkly, pink lampshades and Hello Kitty bedsheets. I also have a full sheepskin I bought at a flea market on my bed and a bowl for my rings and jewelry on my nightstand made of a skull. Mom bought me my first knife when I was Thirteen and my collection is displayed on the wall, interspersed with riding awards and pictures and the only picture I have of Dad.
You may have noticed that I had not mentioned him until now. It is still a sore spot for both Mom and I. He became dissatisfied with his life with us. At least that is what I had figured out since Mom does NOT want to talk about him, at all. And, yes, he left about the time I became obsessed with Conan. I have been through the talk sessions with the therapists. I was transferring my need for a father figure to a fantasy man who could not have existed. I know all the psych talk. I still go and make the guy I currently have been assigned to think he is doing me some good by talking to him once a month. Mom’s insurance pays for it, and I get out of school early on those days, so I go. I have to admit that I have used a little LARPing skill on this one. I keep him guessing. Walking into the office with my full barbarian gear last Halloween really threw him for a loop. I had told him I was into it, but he really didn’t understand how far until I was standing here, cloak thrown back, my leathers over a pirate shirt I bought at the Ren-faire that summer. I was not going to let him see my cleavage.
Not that mine isn’t bad. I work out besides going to martial arts, and I have tried doing the obsessive with food thing that many of the girls in school seem to do. It wasn’t for me. I actually gained weight when I tried to diet. Not for me. I just do what I want, to the chagrin of Heather.
Heather is my best friend. We have been real BFF’s since before High School. She really doesn’t understand the whole Conan/Barbarian thing, but she started Judo with me and is now regularly kicking my ass. I am still only a Purple belt and she is a Brown. I just can’t get the choreography for the Kata’s down for testing. It seems so silly to be fighting an invisible person. I can do the throws, the falls and the kicks just about perfectly. I don’t like sparing, either, but I can do it. I just am weak in the arms and can’t get my head around those katas. But it is one of the best groups I know. We go on outings, show off at parks and festivals and stuff.
The one time the Judo class went to my school was interesting. I was given time off of classes to get ready. We all assembled in the gym, and then EVERYONE in school arrived. I thought it was going to be just for my class, but it turned out to be more. I didn’t embarrass myself, too much, past the first time I tripped on the edge of the mat. It was cool, though. I was able to do a bunch of the fast attacker throws and had most of the school cheering as I went through the Judo class twice. My hip and knee didn’t like me for it the next day, but it was worth a little limping to see the recognition on many people’s faces for a while.
I also was able to get some of that from my English Lit teacher, once. She makes us read a book a week. Not everyone can do that, but with the rotating library card, I have some experience. I have had to read Frankenstein and To Kill a Mockingbird and Of Mice and Men and all those classics. And have had to do reports to let her know that I really did read them. I still have a Howard book in my bag most times to make sure I get evened out with my culture.
She did a pop quiz once where she picked names and said that we had to write a report, right then and there, of the book we loved the most. It didn’t have to be one from the list she had us read. It could be anything. I started writing and had a decent report by the end of the class to hand in. It was a gimmie, since I did it on ‘The Hour of the Dragon’. It really was Howards’ only novel, but with collections and stuff available in my head, I was able to pound out a review. I liked the story ‘The Scarlet Citadel’ better for some of the imagery, but, you know, the book had lots more in it and had several of his short stories combined with it to flesh it out.
The teacher made me read it to the class. I was not sure why until I saw her smiling as I got into it. Well... Got into it might be an understatement. She had called me up to the front of the class, handed me the paper and I hardly had time to see the A++ on the top before I had to read it to the class. I went off what I had on the paper, and then started on tangents and answered questions and had a great time. I didn’t even realize that I had spoken for the entire class time until the bell sounded. It made me know that I could do a good report and I tried hard on the next thing she gave us to do. Though, I think it was a pick she did as a nod to my barbarian likes. It was kind-of obvious, I guess, since it was The Dark Barbarian.
Not all teachers suck.
So. I am almost 18. I am in High School and I have this odd obsession with all things Barbarian and especially Conan. And I see little adventures in everything I do. I had to give you the background before I went through what I survived as my High Adventure.
***
It was going to be my birthday in a few days. Not unusual, since it happens every year for everyone, unless you are born in February, on the 29th. I was born in fall, but I have always wondered about only having a birthday only every 4 years, but being 4 years older. I took control of my birthday celebrations years ago. I like them, and yet I didn’t like them. There is something about being forced to hold a party to tell others that you are getting older, and forcing them to get you things to make the transition easier, that just seems false. I also love getting things from people and seeing what they think I like. My therapist calls this a dichotomous dissonance. Or something.
I usually have my party gathering thing a day or so before my birthday. That way I can get twice the punch, and get to make it better if my party is a flop. I also can go around to places on my birthday to get the free and cheap things without having a party hanging over my head.
I took it over when Mom had to work on my birthday one year. We made plans to go out to my favorite Mexican place a few days later and the Judo club surprised me with a little party at the end of class. The night I was supposed to go out with Mom, I was dressed and ready and waiting until two hours after she was supposed to get home and take me to the restaurant. By the time she came home, I had taken off my dress, the make-up(which I had just been allowed to use, by the way) and was in the middle of watching Circle of Iron. I had gone past angry to seething to just depressed. We went out the next day, but it wasn’t the same. After that, I took over planning my own B-Day stuff. And Mom tries to apologize about that year every year since. I’m sort of over it.
The party this year was held at the BJJ club. Mostly the people from my martial arts classes were there, though my equestrian trainer was there and several of the people who actually pay attention to me in school. Including my English Lit teacher. Mom helped to decorate, which was not hard, since I had so much stuff left from the last two that we just recycled. Streamers, candy, little plastic swords for people... It was fun, and I was able to tell that Nathan really had been paying attention.
Oh, I forgot to tell you about Nathan. He is as close to a boyfriend as I have ever gotten. He seems clueless, but I think that is because he knows that Heather also likes him. He is sweet, and... clueless. He started to sit in on one of my Judo classes when I told him about it, and then joined. I know he is sweet on me, but doesn’t quite know how to deal with it. Or me, I guess.
Nathan showed up early to help with the decorations. I had asked several of my school buddies for help and he is the only one who showed. Heather came in about 15 minutes before the official start, just early enough to count towards set-up but late enough that all she had to do was a little chair arranging. I still love her, though, because she bought me the new deluxe box set of the Conan movies, including Red Sonja. It is not quite in the same universe, except it is. I loved it and was planning on doing a marathon, possibly on my real birthday. Not that I hadn’t been planning on something like that, anyway.
Steve got me a new backpack, one with all sorts of places to clip things. He said it was some sort of hybrid military Alice something. I nodded and smiled and made a mental note that I needed to look it up. Fred was kinda sweet and found a Dark Hello Kitty necklace. It is one of the ones that they have around Halloween with HK as a cute Vampire. Who knew that black could be cute? I had enough of a haul that Mom and I had to pack that into one of the seats of the wagon before getting the surviving decorations into the car.
Except for Nathan’s gift. This is where the mostly clueless thing seems to take ahold of him. He and I had been studying in my room and we had to spread out on the floor since I really only have a bed and the nightstand in there. It isn’t the biggest room, but I could have more furniture, if I really wanted. So... He took it upon himself to get me a table. At least that is how he presented it to me.
“Tam, you have to have a table in your room. I found this while I was in a second hand store and, well...”
“It doesn’t have legs.” I held onto the edge as it perched on his foot, some odd striping and decorations glinting at me in the laminated plasticy wood as he was trying to tell me he was going to make me some in shop class and make sure they fit. He is sweet, but...clueless.
We dragged it home(it weighed about 15 pounds and had to go on the bottom of the decorations in the back of the station wagon), and I stuck it in my room. Against one of the walls next to my nightstand. There really wasn’t anywhere else to put it.
That is where it sat for several months.
****
My father, so called, decided that after almost ten years of dutifully ignoring Mom and me, he wanted back into my life. I didn’t know if it was his current girlfriend, finding Jesus under the couch or just finding he had regrets, but he almost camped out on our doorstep, both virtually and in real life, for close to a week before Mom and I decided that we would give him one chance. He had a check for some of the back child support he owed Mom, the big surprise, but he also said he wanted to have time with me since he had missed so much.
Yea. Right.
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